Love: What is it?

To begin to answer this question, lets start by observing the feeling of love toward your parents and compare that love toward a friend you barely interact with. If you don’t love your parents, then find the feeling of love with someone you do love and adjust this example accordingly.

Looking at your parents, why do you love them? You can say they created you, made you who you are today, they cared for you in times of need, they were happy with you in times of bliss and they changed their own lives to help you become who you are today. Now say that you have a friend that you see occasionally and talk small talk whenever you see this person. Your interactions are very limited and the amount of things you do together are virtually non-existent.

Given these two types of people, who would you love more? Since your parents have given a lot to you and your friend has given very little in comparison to your parents, we’d say that you love your parents more then you love your friend. Therefore, this difference of love between your parents and your friend is because your parents have shown that they appreciate you more then your friend. Since you love your parents more and because your parents have appreciated you more, then love is just someone showing you how they appreciate you.

To show that love is really just someone appreciating you or you appreciating someone else, isn’t the act of buying flowers, taking a romantic walk on the beach, or go driving their kids to the movies, acts of appreciation? The type of people you would show this appreciation too would have to be people you appreciate, wouldn’t it?

So love is just appreciation…

What is Unconditional Love?

If love is appreciation, then what does it mean to show appreciation unconditionally? To look at this lets examine how conditional love feels. If someone were to show their appreciation to you, but then expect that appreciation back, how would you feel? If you chose not to show appreciation back, most likely that person who gave conditional love will start to get upset or angry and say stuff like “What? You don’t love (like) me?”. By examining these statements and looking at what we know about why we feel bad, we can conclude that conditional love is actually someone trying to control someone else.

For instance, if I said that you look great today and I expected you to say it back, then am I really showing my appreciation towards the way you look or am I actually saying you look good just so you can say that I look good? When we expect, we are trying to control. So if I say you look good conditionally, then I am saying it so that you can say it back to me. Therefore, unconditional love is actually showing your appreciation without expecting anything in return. It is showing appreciation because you mean it and not because you want someone else to show appreciation back.

So How Do I Show Love Unconditionally?

By understanding why you appreciated someone in the first place. You will want to show your appreciation towards someone because they have already done something that you like. Therefore, you can buy a gift for someone simply because they have been a part of your life and they have helped you to grow and be a better person. Or you can say thanks towards someone because they opened the door for you. All of these acts of love are unconditional because someone has already given you something. You do not need to expect someone to say thank you back when they have already have already done something for you.