Unconditional Love and Conditional Love Defined

Love, as we have already defined it, is simply the act of thanks. However, given the idea of love being thanks, what is conditional and unconditional love? Are we to give thanks to someone regardless of what they do to us or others? What if they objectify us, like try and kill us, are we suppose to give thanks for actions such as that? Is it okay to love people conditionally or is there another reason why we love conditionally? Why is it that people can love unconditionally towards certain people but not towards others? Since these questions are the main reasons why it is hard to love unconditionally (or even conditionally), it makes sense to begin to explore the idea of conditional and unconditional love.

What is Conditional Love?

To begin to explore the difference between unconditional love and conditional love, we need to define each of the terms. To do so, lets first look at a statement that would be considered conditional love. Assume that you are out at a bar and a friend says “I’ll buy you the first round if you buy the second”. Within this statement there is an element of thanks (I will buy you a drink) and then a condition around that thanks (You have to buy me a drink). Since the person is saying thanks to you

by buying a drink and because there is a condition on that thanks, we can conclude that this statement is conditional love.

To further our understanding of conditional and unconditional we need to examine the logic of the condition. If we look at the condition in the example above, you will see that it is about something that you have to do in the future (You will buy me a drink). Without the element of the future, then there is no longer a condition on that love, or thanks. For example, if your friend only said “I want to buy you this round”, then there is no longer a condition on that thanks. Then this means that unconditional love does not have condition that relates to something someone has to do in the future.

What is Unconditional Love?

However, the act of love is saying thank you and you would only say thank you if someone did something. Therefore, unconditional love is saying thank you for doing something, but the reason why someone would say thank you is not for something they are going to do in the future, but for something that someone did in the past. Since the past has already happened and cannot change, then we can say that unconditional love is simply saying thank you for something someone has done already. With this type of unconditional love, you are saying thanks because you want too and you expect nothing from this person in the future. Since you expect nothing in the future, that act of saying thanks to someone as they have already done something, is unconditional love.

So the difference between conditional love and unconditional love is simply when someone gives you what you want. Unconditional love is when someone has already given you what you want and conditional love is when someone is going to give you something that you want.

This definition of unconditional vs. conditional love explains why you choose to give more towards someone in your family then you would a stranger on the street (This assumes that you do love your family, which we will get into later). If this is true, then we can make the statement that we always love conditionally towards others, but those conditions change the more we give and receive unconditional love. Since your parents have gone out of their way to give you what you want, you then choose to show your thanks more to them then a stranger. The more you receive what you want, the more you will change the conditions on your love towards another. Therefore, we can then conclude that the more you give people what they want, the greater the chance that the conditions on your love will change between those people.

Can Unconditional Love Become Conditional?

The reason why I say the “greater the chance”, is that you cannot expect people to change their conditions of their love towards you if you give them what they want because that would mean you are trying to control them. In other words, your unconditional love turns conditional if you expect people to change their conditions. So in order for unconditional love to be truly unconditional, you need to give thanks to without expecting anything back, including changing the current conditions on love. The reason why you would do so is because this person has given you something that you already wanted in the past, so asking for more in the future after you give them thanks would be asking too much and it would be conditional.

However, if you find that someone expects you to give them unconditional thanks, then they are receiving conditionally, which changes your unconditional love into conditional love. This is because if someone demands that you give them love without conditions, then really the way they are receiving love is a form of control, or in other words, they are objectifying you.

So Can I Really Give Love Unconditionally?

Therefore, unconditional love should be given unconditionally, except if someone receives your love conditionally. The reason is because you only receive love, or thanks, conditionally with objects and not people. Receiving thanks conditionally is the same as expecting thanks. For instance, I know that when I put money in the candy machine, I will expect that candy will come back. So I will choose to receive love conditionally with objects. Since any expectation of another is objectifying them, then receiving love conditionally is the same as objectifying someone. This is why when some people give unconditionally towards another they feel bad, as they know the other person is expecting their love.

So it is good to give unconditionally, but if the other person receives conditionally, then you must stop giving to that person unconditionally, as they are objectifying you. The only way to avoid someone who objectifies your unconditional love is to stop giving them unconditional love.

Knowing This How Should I Live My Life?

If thanks, or love, is only given when someone gives you something that you want in the past or in the future, then would it be true to say that if people never give you what you want, you would never give love? Well yes of course. So what this means is that you should focus on giving people what they want so they can give you thanks, or love. This is why people have phrased the term “the more you give, the more you get”, as you will get more love in your life if you look for ways to give more people what they want. Once you begin to do that, then eventually people will begin to give you what you want, which will then allow you to give love to others.

Remember that there are tons of different ways to give love, like saying thanks, giving gifts and even giving money, so you can imply that the way to all the riches in the world is with love because love and money are the same thing.

To summarize, the difference between giving conditional love and unconditional love is when someone is gives you what you want. Conditional love is when you are asking for someone to say thanks in the future, where unconditional love is when you have already received something in the past. The more we give unconditionally, the more the conditions on the current relationship change, which is why you will give more to your family then you will to a stranger. However, if someone expects your love or if you give love conditionally when it should be unconditional, as they have already given what you wanted, then that person is objectifying another and the only way to resist the objectification is to stop giving unconditionally to that person. Lastly, the way to give and receive love is to say thanks when you get what you want and to find ways to give people what they want. This will ensure you will maximize the amount of love in your life.